In this two part article, we have different views shared by two kinksters about What consumerism means in kink lifestyle. Intuos and Asmi.
Views Shared by Intuos
Consumerism talks about manipulating people’s desires. Its basic and founding ideology is that one should be able to acquire all one wants. And one can almost never get all one wants. Desired objects become commodities – available to the highest bidder. And it is made sure that commodities have a shelf life and new ones or upgraded ones always due. Not just objects, ideas, lifestyle and activities and not to deny even people, can become commodities. Of course there is more pleasure in wanting than having and that keeps one hooked.
I wonder in what context do most people view kink- a commodity, a necessity, evil, good, sacred?
From a marketing perspective, sex is a commodity; sex with one person is roughly equivalent in value to sex with someone else. Love, however, is a bit of a customized product, and means different things to different people. Kink in my opinion, is not and should not become a commodity that can be sold on television like the latest laundry detergent and that makes me wonder why some folks want to bring kink to the mainstream.
Both men and women have a strong need to have purposeful, meaningful lives and to have real love in their lives. There is hardly anything in our culture left which extols, supports, guides and celebrates that truth. Between the sexual liberation of women, and the birth control/abortion opportunities, young people have been separated from any sense of honor, commitment and responsibility towards their partners and are more cavalier about using them for sex than ever.
And in the same way, while practicing kinky sex you escape the here and now, you fly away on a fantasy or touch a deeply buried desire. I wonder if the worthlessness of life promoted by consumerism in general, is one of the reasons some people indulge in kink. Perhaps to find an identity for themselves or perhaps trying to give meaning to their otherwise boring, uneventful, regular and mundane urban life. Perhaps it started with exploring their sexuality.
Whatever each person’s reasons be, I see a false sense of superiority amongst kinksters. Just cause one discovered/ indulges in/ explores kinks doesn’t make one any superior or evolved. Some even use the term ‘vanilla’ as an abuse. Some of the best people I know are vanilla.
Let’s take the case of a straight dominant I was speaking to sometime back. In her – well, not arms so much as loins – he finds happiness. So profound is his joy that he is driven to a rare theological speculation. “What can one compare with God?” he wonders. There comes the answer, “In the first place, obviously, a woman’s pussy”.
In my view, if all you care about is sex, you are probably pretty well single anyway, even if you are seeing someone.
Everything is a commodity if you treat it as such. I argue that the conceiving of sex and/or kink as a commodity has a number of negative implications for the people involved, their partners, and for relationships in general.
I feel the key to a happy life is not treating the things that give you joy in life as commodities . And consumerism in lifestyle and kink does exactly opposite of that, thus making it revolve around pleasure and not joy.
Views Shared by Asmi
But, I digress. So, that said, let me revert to the idea of consumerism in kink. First off I see kink not as a practice or a set of practices. I see it as an expression of something that gives me a high. The 'high' or euphoria could be erotic or non-erotic in nature and in my humble opinion it would vary for different people.I do however, agree that for many people (as it could have been for me at a time), it is an escape channel. However, not for every one does it mean value addition to otherwise boring lives. Because, if that were the case, the same argument could be given for mountain riding, heavy gymming and I don't see much opposition to activities like those.
Of course however, I do realize that often the issue will now be between defining the line between sanity and 'to each his own'. But, that I guess is a topic for another day!!
Views Shared by Intuos
Consumerism talks about manipulating people’s desires. Its basic and founding ideology is that one should be able to acquire all one wants. And one can almost never get all one wants. Desired objects become commodities – available to the highest bidder. And it is made sure that commodities have a shelf life and new ones or upgraded ones always due. Not just objects, ideas, lifestyle and activities and not to deny even people, can become commodities. Of course there is more pleasure in wanting than having and that keeps one hooked.
I wonder in what context do most people view kink- a commodity, a necessity, evil, good, sacred?
From a marketing perspective, sex is a commodity; sex with one person is roughly equivalent in value to sex with someone else. Love, however, is a bit of a customized product, and means different things to different people. Kink in my opinion, is not and should not become a commodity that can be sold on television like the latest laundry detergent and that makes me wonder why some folks want to bring kink to the mainstream.
Both men and women have a strong need to have purposeful, meaningful lives and to have real love in their lives. There is hardly anything in our culture left which extols, supports, guides and celebrates that truth. Between the sexual liberation of women, and the birth control/abortion opportunities, young people have been separated from any sense of honor, commitment and responsibility towards their partners and are more cavalier about using them for sex than ever.
And in the same way, while practicing kinky sex you escape the here and now, you fly away on a fantasy or touch a deeply buried desire. I wonder if the worthlessness of life promoted by consumerism in general, is one of the reasons some people indulge in kink. Perhaps to find an identity for themselves or perhaps trying to give meaning to their otherwise boring, uneventful, regular and mundane urban life. Perhaps it started with exploring their sexuality.
Whatever each person’s reasons be, I see a false sense of superiority amongst kinksters. Just cause one discovered/ indulges in/ explores kinks doesn’t make one any superior or evolved. Some even use the term ‘vanilla’ as an abuse. Some of the best people I know are vanilla.
Let’s take the case of a straight dominant I was speaking to sometime back. In her – well, not arms so much as loins – he finds happiness. So profound is his joy that he is driven to a rare theological speculation. “What can one compare with God?” he wonders. There comes the answer, “In the first place, obviously, a woman’s pussy”.
In my view, if all you care about is sex, you are probably pretty well single anyway, even if you are seeing someone.
Everything is a commodity if you treat it as such. I argue that the conceiving of sex and/or kink as a commodity has a number of negative implications for the people involved, their partners, and for relationships in general.
I feel the key to a happy life is not treating the things that give you joy in life as commodities . And consumerism in lifestyle and kink does exactly opposite of that, thus making it revolve around pleasure and not joy.
Views Shared by Asmi
First things first, I often wonder about the myth of real love. While I can absolutely relate to the concept of honor, responsibility and commitment, I somehow do not really relate well with the idea of Love. I however, do realize that it is different from lust.
So, in the arguments put above, probably what Intuos is asking for, is that one should not portray lust as love and then project false notions about relationships. But, dare I say false? To be a Devil's advocate, relationships are different for different people. The way we define our own norms, can be so different from someone else's way. Why does that make some of us consumers and some of not.
But, I digress. So, that said, let me revert to the idea of consumerism in kink. First off I see kink not as a practice or a set of practices. I see it as an expression of something that gives me a high. The 'high' or euphoria could be erotic or non-erotic in nature and in my humble opinion it would vary for different people.I do however, agree that for many people (as it could have been for me at a time), it is an escape channel. However, not for every one does it mean value addition to otherwise boring lives. Because, if that were the case, the same argument could be given for mountain riding, heavy gymming and I don't see much opposition to activities like those.
Next, I do see consumerism or commoditization in kink and lifestyle the moment we start judging people for their kinks. It could be of a few kinds.
- One is the direct selling of kink in case of Pro Dom/mes/subs.
- The other could be by introducing new kinks, devices, toys, gfetish equipment, props etc.
- However, the most subtle form I see is peer pressure and trying to bring kink mainstream.
I have ample number of times, come across people who have asked me what big deal is it about retaining virginity. I have come across people who have advocated occasional drinking or eating non-veg for that matter. And I have wondered. Why should I be forced to purchase (yes, purchase was the term that came to my head), your way of living at the cost of my own?
So, I believe the central issue here is less about consumerism in KINK as such, but more about consumerism in naormal, routine, human life.
I see a simple solution to this sort of paradox. It is in being sure of yourself as an individual that you can avoid being manipulated. It is about giving a rational thought to all aspects of an argument/idea/discussion that you stop being a victim of consumerism
At the same time, probably those who are trying to commoditize kink or lifestyle as we call it, could practice ethical consumerism. This would mean, keeping in mind the fine line between "Oh I'm kinky, it's fun!!! Try it if you'd like" and the derogatory tone of " Oh, you know what? I'm kinky!! Poor you! You're not!!!"
Of course however, I do realize that often the issue will now be between defining the line between sanity and 'to each his own'. But, that I guess is a topic for another day!!
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